seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize