Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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