Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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