i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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