It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
