i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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