That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
40s are totally the cure
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
