Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
