Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
