is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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