Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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