We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
