May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I think my moral compass just broke
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
