I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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