I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
