so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
