the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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