twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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