I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
