I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
