Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
