Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize