More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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