It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
high people should be assigned attendants
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
