Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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