a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
