she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
it's like iHOP with fire
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
