Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
