So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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