Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
