Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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