I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
