I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Randomize
