all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
