Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
