i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
