I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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