textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
