you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
