yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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