Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
