just tell him i said nine months
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
