I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
