At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I understand Curling. That high.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
