I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
