Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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