One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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