FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize