just survived the first fart of the relationship.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
