I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
