So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
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I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
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Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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