and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
