hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
it's like heaven, but drunker
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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