the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize