i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
