All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
