dude i'm inner monologue high
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
