OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
