You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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