what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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