don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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