I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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